I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to. ~Rodney Dangerfield
#quotes #rodney-dangerfield #children #humor

Those who play with cats must expect to be scratched. ~Proverb
#proverbs #cat

If a man does only what is required of him, he is a slave. If a man does more than is required of him, he is a free man. ~Chinese Proverb
#proverbs #chinese-proverbs #freedom #work

Not the wind, not the flag; mind is moving. ~Zen Proverb
#proverbs #zen-proverbs #buddhism

After I won the Oscar, my salary doubled, my friends tripled, my children became more popular at school, my butcher made a pass at me, and my maid hit me up for a raise. ~Shirley Jones
#quotes #shirley-jones #popularity #oscars

I won't say I was slow developer, but our teacher was quite pleased to have someone her own age in the class to talk to. ~Chic Murray
#quotes #chic-murray #humor

A bit of fragrance always clings to the hand that gives roses. ~Chinese Proverb
#proverbs #chinese-proverbs #helping

There's no "brothers" when it comes to white people. We are just complete individuals. We don't care about each other. He's not my brother; my brother lives in Ohio; I don't know that guy. ~Bill Burr
#quotes #bill-burr #brotherhood #ohio

No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. ~Chinese Proverb
#proverbs #chinese-proverbs #medicine #doctors

If you're serious, you really understand that it's important that you laugh as much as possible and admit that you're the funniest person you ever met. You have to laugh. Admit that you're funny. Otherwise, you die in solemnity. ~Maya Angelou
#quotes #maya-angelou #humor #laughing

Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing. ~Will Durant
#quotes #will-durant #humor

Young twigs will bend but not old trees. ~Dutch Proverb
#proverbs #dutch-proverbs #age

The bad stuff remains with its owner until some fool comes to buy it. ~Arabic Proverb
#proverbs #arabic-proverbs #things

A whistling woman and a crowing hen will bring no luck to the house they are in. ~Irish Proverb
#proverbs #irish-proverbs #luck

That is what I try to do each and every week is give my best effort and not give up, no matter what comes at us. ~Kurt Busch
#quotes #kurt-busch #trying

I invented the cordless extension cord. ~Steven Wright
#quotes #steven-wright #humor

One thing I like about Twitter is that you can hear it from the horse's mouth. ~Big Boi
#quotes #big-boi #humor

If you want happiness for a lifetime, help someone else. ~Chinese Proverb
#proverbs #chinese-proverbs #helping #happiness

Life is hard; it's harder if you're stupid. ~John Wayne
#quotes #john-wayne #ignorance #hardship #humor

When you get there, there isn't any there there. ~Zen Proverb
#proverbs #zen-proverbs #buddhism #philosophical

I think everyone is ticklish. You just gotta find the right spots. ~Derek Jeter
#quotes #derek-jeter #humor

I'm used to explaining to people why my jokes were funny. ~Gilbert Gottfried
#quotes #gilbert-gottfried #humor #explanation

There is nothing noble about being superior to some other person. The true nobility is in being superior to your previous self. ~Hindu Proverb
#proverbs #hindu-proverbs #self #competition

A silent mouth is sweet to hear. ~Irish Proverb
#proverbs #irish-proverbs #silence #speaking

Sometimes I go about pitying myself, and all the while I am being carried across the sky by beautiful clouds. ~Ojibwe Proverb
#proverbs #ojibwe-proverbs #self #beauty